Feeling really, really bad which is not good considering today is the first day of my winter break. Don't exactly know why but the happy bubble that I had in the past few days has burst pretty badly. Make long story short, feeling shitty and slightly betrayed by a friend. Trying to take up writing to get my mind off, but if this chapter seems slightly depressing, I'm sorry but I can't help it.

Carocarla: see if you can spot your elephant. ^_^



Chocolate Covered Autumns



Chapter 8: The Duo Christmas Spirit



With my freakishly happy and jumpy personality that just seems to "naturally get high with sunshine and oxygen" by the words of Relena, no one would suspect my obsession with perfection.

Oh no, I don't mean perfection as in every strand of my hair has to be in place, or that my clothes have to be pressed every morning; my eggs don't have to be done sunny side up and my coffee is never at a perfect blend with exactly two cubes of sugar and two tablespoons of milk. People who require such out of themselves are not perfect but merely looking for the order in their lives that they lack within themselves. This usually results in a compulsive need to be accepted and publicly acknowledged that they are in some sort of control of their lives, however pathetic it may seem. More perfection exists in those who are willing to take risks. Only they are fully aware of themselves and able to face failure in the face, knowing that they can get up even without a cushion to soften their disappointment.



I don't think I exist in either of these two categories but rather, stuck between these two extremes and perfectly content in them. I can wake up and wonder if I'll face another challenge today and worry that I would fail miserably. During that second, my past doubts and insecurities would paralyze me and yet, I'm always able to get up in the morning no matter how hard the future seems to be. I don't have the confidence of those who are near perfect, but I am also not as conservative as those who hold onto the illusion of control.

However, perfection is hard to uphold and even those people who are courageous and fearless are only perfect in a purely abstract sense. In reality, perfection is rarely accomplished because there are just way too many obstacles in the way of achieving such a degree of flawlessness. While one ponders about one single factor in their lives and strives to improve that one area, they will at the same time ignore the other factors in their lives. By this simple logic, not many people are in actuality "perfect". Sure, they can wear the clothes, have the attitude, but there will always be in them this little paranoia of being discovering in a defeat that reveals their flaws. The other type of people are those who fly airplanes, star in movies, and risk their lives in danger just to prove that they are superior above the banal. However, that vanity marks another flaw. See, it's really quite simple to realize that no one is ever truly perfect, though they can look and act the part.

However, focusing on one area can achieve perfection. Disregarding the other elements and concentrate wholly on the well being of a solitary factor is easier and more realistic. If so, the one area of perfection will be more authentic than say, the total sum of countless seemingly picture- perfect accomplishments, an empty and void victory in reality. Take this for an example: Trowa is able to balance on almost anything that's more than one millimeter in width and though he isn't a people person, that single talent is enough to rank him higher than any phony main attractions in Las Vegas. They can do fancy shows by using trick mirrors that create the illusion of their talent and embellish their abilities to hell; sure, they looks superior and get paid more, but which is really better? Paying over fifty dollars to see someone and gush over them, ignoring the fact that it's all the trick of the eye, or Trowa who can hang Christmas lights in his own unique way? He flips onto the tree and walks across the electric lines causally, meanwhile dropping candy to the children underneath him watching in awe. One eye may not have the ability to raise the entire stadium or the articulation to gain the attention of every person in room but he is able to make kids smile, and that's more than most.

Then, there's food. Though many see this as a worthless skill that requires no talent other than simply throwing some random things in the oven and waiting, it's their ignorance speaking. You can't require perfection out of a person because human nature is too easily fickle and changeable. You can train some guy in Harvard for years for him to become the best damn lawyer in the world, but odds are that he'll become a lying bastard or suddenly decide to pursue a career in acting by going into Broadway, only to realize in his old and gray years that he can't sing his way out of a paper bag. Food on the other hand, cannot change on you. Take the green leaf of a lettuce for example; you can judge the quality and texture of that single leaf just by feeling and inspecting it. It can't trick you and it can't disguise its flaws to impress you in hopes that you'll throw it into the soup with the almighty carrot sticks. If it's good, it's good and if it's less than desired, it's that way without any pretenses.

Sure, many may use that as an example of how easy it is, but it's hardly the truth. See, perfection exists in knowing the food, choosing the best qualities, and knowing how to use all those skills in a perfect blend. Yeah, it's easy to find the best ingredients and yet, during the process of the cooking, if a person does not know how to put that single ingredient to its best use and let, no, manipulate its unique taste to spread out dominantly in any single bites, then the good or bad of the ingredient makes no difference; its use is butchered in the cooking transition anyway. If a single bite cannot determine the different tastes between say, fresh strawberries and canned, then it's not perfect. If a person cannot flavor the freshly squeezed lemon juice in the red wine that is poured generously over the tenderly cooked chicken breast, then it's useless. If someone is foolish enough to mix the slightly sweet and yet, subtle taste of a tried bay leaf with the heavy spices of pepper, salt, and grated onions, then that person is a fool for not letting his guests savor the full extent of his ingredients' capabilities.

Sure, the majority of the population has this silly belief that cooking is easy and everyone can do it. Those are the same people who has never tasted real cooking. If they can be completely content with a hamburger from any fast food restaurant and call it food, never tasting how thoroughly cooked beef can enhance the favor of roasted onions and the fresh, crisp lettuce that is tucked in carefully between two freshly toasted slices of bread, then they've never tasted anything. I don't blame these people; this concept is completely beyond those people who rush to their work and to pick their kids up from softball practice, never once stopping to enjoy the common things around them. They might think that it's easy, but of course, they've never really had time to truly appreciate the simple things and see them in their true light. Food to others is just a simple commodity, nothing to really be in awe of or to waste time over. However, to me who sees the value of every single tomato, cooking is an art and my perfect world.

I can ignore my looks and my chance to be taken seriously, but focusing on this one aspect of my life is the core of my being. You might laugh at how serious this is, but of course, you're probably one of those who has never tasted how wonderfully harmonized the taste of a few choice picked ingredients can be. It's like music, creating a perfect melody that vibrates through the music hall. The scent and aroma of my cooking flows throughout the entire kitchen and make me appreciate how my own instruments can bring heaven to someone's life in one single bite. My piano is my stove; my flute is my spatula, my violin is my pans, my music scores my ingredients, and they all come together in perfect harmony.

This is what I live for; this is what I know I want to do for the years to come. To bring a taste of heaven into everyone's senses.

Duo Maxwell's Christmas wishes 12/18/02

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It's almost Christmas, snowflakes are seen dancing among the rushing pedestrians, tempting them to temporarily halt their Christmas shopping and to stick out their tongues in hopes to capture that one deliciously icy snowflake. These are the times that bring us together whether we realize it or not, when God seemingly has pushed the pause button on his VCR for busy businessmen and mothers who are normally engulfed in their individual duties to suddenly stop in their tracks, finally truly regarding the world around them for the first time that year. The season is embellished by bright lights and the smiles of total strangers who suddenly seem closer than family. Everyone is similarly filled with the coziness that fuels the slight spring in their steps and the cheerful sparkles evident in each pair of eyes.

Me, I love this season of jolliness. After a year of hard work, I can at long last, bask in the warmth that seems to prevail during this holiday. This year is no different either. The smiles are genuine, the laughter joyful, and the life never better. We are young and we fully appreciate this fact especially during Christmas. Trowa, with his amazing talents is currently tying a string to fasten the strand of lights on the roof. It wouldn't have seemed abnormal if one of his legs wasn't currently hooked on the streetlight and his body wasn't twisted to such a degree that his face was parallel to his foot. Admiring his own handy work, another strand of red and green streamers is found draped across his free foot, ready to be used. I love that boy!

Yep, it's definitely looking cherry here with streamers, a huge Christmas tree, and the best of all...what's underneath that green haven, the presents! Seriously, I'm willing to go and shake every single one if there were no threats of explosives within their harmless exteriors. Honestly, I wouldn't put anything over Wufei after that China bowl incident, but I would certainly think that I redeemed myself after I destroyed Quatre's cookies in another neatly gold foil wrapped package, but no....that guy just had to have that stick up in his ass.

"Duo..step away from that tree slowly, or I will seriously call John over and tell her to stand under the mistletoe in the entrance until you finally decide to go home."

Why does everyone want to ruin my fun? I was only attempting to hang the string of popcorn on the tree and not thinking at all about the tempting packages that are wrapped in mesmerizing colored paper, seemingly pleading for me to release them from their restricting confinements.. Ok, fine I was trying to sneak a little peek into one of them but it wasn't my fault! Hilde did a crappy wrapping job and yet, her printing abilities amaze me. The gift was practically seeping through its coverings and the big letters "Duo" still called out to me, Being victimized here!

"Relena, you call him..her and I swear, I will start to grope Wufei so much, he will decide to join us in the dark side. Don't tell me it's impossible because I've seen the way he looks at my ass..."

"MAXWELL!!!" Wufei, who is annually forced into the Christmas season by us "crazy, childish ignoramuses" is apparently more in tune with the jolly spirit this year by painting his face red, or it might just be him blushing. I really can't tell with him shaking my shoulders side to side like that...wheeeeeeeeee I'm getting dizzy! He's way too sensitive about his sexuality sometimes.

"Wufei! Stop!" Here is the perfect example of how a Wufei blinded by anger and embarrassment will forever be more powerful than an alarmed Quatre. This seems to be an unspoken and unwritten rule of the universe or something, which is an unfortunate thing at this moment because versions of sugarplum fairies started dancing in my head, accompanied by a purple polka- dotted elephant that was just plain weird even on my scale.

However, after a while, this blood rushing to the head thingy is just not very comfortable and when Wufei looked like he had two nostrils, I knew the time has arrived fore me to stop him. Attempting to push him away, I managed to detach myself from his grip, but also tripped over Hilde's god annoying present in the process....

"Ahhhhhhh!" And the next thing I knew, the sugarplum fairies were fanning me with... Victoria Secret magazines? Submerged under an extremely uncomfortable ocean of green, my eyes finally started focusing while the spinning room gradually decided to kindly stop at one location and stopped messing with my head!

"Duo, oh my God are you ok?" Somewhere in the deep, deep depths of my mind, I vaguely heard someone ask and the familiar panicky voice brought some charity back into my throbbing mind. Suddenly, I realized three things.

One: what I thought was a sugarplum fairy was actually a concerned Quatre, but I knew that my eyes would never mistaken barely clothed babes for anything else and indeed, he was waving an issue of the Victoria Secret Catalogue. Why he has it, and why was Trowa blushing when he saw the issue Quatre held, I really don't want to know.

Two: I was lying in, or rather, on top of what used to be a Christmas tree and one of the plastic snowflakes was seriously getting on my nerves by poking me in my ribs.

And three: I was about to sneeze my head off because a tinsel is tickling me right above the nose. However, there are five faces gazing at me worriedly and being way too close for my comfort to my unbelievably itching nose. It's the most unbearable pain, but I'm willing to resist the urge for 5 seconds so they can move their stinking heads out of my face!

5...4... ok, never mind then, I feel much better now but they look rather sick. I felt a small twinge of guilt for a second, but that was quickly fleeing as it finally registered to me completely that I have ambushed my tree. My well decorated tree.. The tree that protected all my presents from the desperately unloved people of the world, and the tree that I loved with a passion! I have never wanted to part with this lovely tree and though my mind sometimes traveled down that horrible path, I never thought we would be separated so cruelly.. How can I live with this pain?

Easy, time to get a new tree.

Pointedly ignoring the murderous glares of the other five who are rubbing at their faces furiously as if I was infectious or something, I attempted to run out the shop knowing that my tree exists just outside that door while less than pleasant things awaited me if I stayed here a moment longer..like certain death for the crushed gifts and their favorite ornaments. I'm pretty sure that I successfully flattened Relena's little snowman that said: "I'm not cold, I just plain don't like you." on my less than soft descend down. I never really liked that smug bastard of an ornament anyway.

Wait... my back just popped, that's not good.

"Relena! Quatre! Anyone!"

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With my back in order again and my lecture about responsibility and grace over and done with, I was finally released into the civilized world. It is here where people don't actually mind my actions. Of course, they also didn't know me very well and are deadly fearful that I would come and slobber on them. I do take offense at that because I would consider giving them big kisses, but I would never ever slobber on them!

"Baka." A smug and slightly amused voice effectively causes me to reconsider skipping in tune along with the melody of jingle bells heard from the open doors of Sears. These are the times when I rethink my plans of ever growing up and impressing people with my sophistication because think about it, do you even see it working? Close your eyes and picture it..

There, I thought so, it's impossible.

I would probably have died of embarrassment for the millionth time if it wasn't for the fact that I was too high on the Christmas spirit and caffeine to really care about what the hell anyone thought. Besides, I was here determined to find the perfect tree, and I will not be deterred by mere teasing in some foreign language that I don't even recognize.

But the hint of affection in his usually cold voice and the warmth that spread throughout my body did help a lot...

"Heero! You're just in time to help me find the perfect Christmas tree!" I spun around excitedly with a smile that I'm pretty sure can affect even him. Happiness is contagious, you know. My efforts paid off when I was rewarded by the tiniest hint of a smile in his eyes and tugging at his mouth, so kissable and tempting..so close and....

Thank God it's chilly today.

"Really? Do I have to?" Heero looked at me and suggestions of his amusement became less and less veiled within his cobalt eyes. All of a sudden, the pain in my body was completely and utterly forgotten, considered as unimportant when compared to his voice. It seems that the joy of Christmas can affect even the most stoic of men.

"Or you can be bored without me here to brighten up your day." I quipped as I slowly nudged Heero's sleeves much like what an eager little child would do when he wants grandma's cookies. I can be cute at times, or at least by my own humble opinion.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope." I chirped with near irritating cheerfulness and he answered my answer with an exasperated sigh.

"Fine."

Santa has evidently decided to give me my present early this year. Apparently, being good does pay off..

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"As you can see, this is one of our top little numbers. The branches are strong and plentiful with a lot of space to hang any ornaments. You will not regret taking this baby home!" An old man covered practically from head to toe in what looked to be a large white fur coat animatedly pointed to a Christmas tree. We have to agree with him, it did have great branches.

..unfortunately, branches were about the only thing it had.

Briefly gazing Heero's way, I can see how absolutely incredulous he looked when regarding the cotton ball man, as we secretly called him, when he continued to breathlessly advocate the superiority of this tree, completely overlooking the fact that there was not a single spot of green on its pathetically bare branches.

"But we were more or less thinking of something that isn't so...worn." I politely interrupted him, squeezing as much tact as possible into my words. But trust me, tact was the last thing on my mind right now.

"What he means is that we want a tree that can last the ride home without dying." Heero coolly added, oh so helpfully. The cotton ball man instantly looked offended at Heero's callous words as if a relation to the tree, and made me suspect that he had no life of his own.

"I'm sure it's very nice, but I just want something simple and such a..um...beauty of nature would be degraded if reduced to reside in my humble abode." I cut in hastily when a staring match ignited between Heero and the snubbed man. No matter how much the cotton ball man got on my nerves, I really didn't want the guy to die of blindness before I get my perfect tree.

Taking my words seriously, he looked slightly less evaluating and critical of us two. However, obviously not dissuaded from his goal, he further pushed for us to buy this stick that can barely pass for a tree.

"Well, as we in this business say, less green, less bark-y." And instantly, cotton ball man collapsed under the force of his own laugher, being the only one even near appreciative of his cleverness. It got to the point when it became too painful to watch and I joined him in his chuckles, except the noises coming from me sounded forced and similar to that of a dying animal.



"Ha..ha..ha..and ha..." Open mouthed and awkward, I softly elbowed an emotionless Heero to follow my example, only to receive a disgruntled grumble in reply.

"You are pretending to laugh..right?" He shifted near me and whispered skeptically into my ear.

"Oh, the tears are real.."

Completely giving up in my quest, my shoulders were slumped and my eyelids were aching. This was the tenth tree that this annoyingly idiotic man has presented to us, and between three being only branches, two that were almost parallel to the ground it rested upon and one that looked more like a cylinder than an cone, the rest were no improvements to my already jaded patience. I was just about to give into the attractive image of Heero as a human pillow when I suddenly spotted it..

Standing tall and grand, the other trees seem to be mere shadows compared to its magnificence. It stood in the middle, perfectly symmetrical, its intimidating figure automatically alienated it from the other trees that were not even worthy of touching it. I fell in love..

Staring breathlessly and lightheaded at my discovery, I yanked on Heero's arm and pointed at my find with a trembling finger. After so many attempts and failures in the past few hours, it feels surreal now looking directly into the very one that I was searching for. I'm sure Heero feels just as relieved as I did because I distinctly heard his breath catch in his throat before being released slowly.

"Looks like we found it... Duo.."

Heero's voice, hushed with hints of bewilderment woke me from my splendor. Too preoccupied with admiring our tree, he didn't notice my astonished gaze on his face nor heard my surprised gasp at his words.

He said my name..for the first time...



To be continued in part 2



Note: this part might be redone later, unless people actually like it.

next chapter!